Ring, Ring

I thought it was about time to ring in the new year somewhere online as I do intend to keep blogging this year! It's just going to change quite a bit. I'm not doing resolutions this year. I'm not even setting goals for myself for the year. I've come to learn over the years that making resolutions and setting goals is really not a good thing for me. I tend to set them impossibly high and inevitably fail because they're unattainable. THIS YEAR I WILL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! How unrealistic and how broad is that? Many of our resolutions and goals are almost set up to be viewed as failure when in actuality, they're often not. We do plenty of things to take care of ourselves, the best we know how throughout the year. But when we set this concrete picture in our mind of a perfect existence of what "taking care of myself" looks like, it'll never be achievable. There are too many factors beyond our control to ever have that perfect picture. So this year, I'm going to do the best that I can, a day at a time. That's not a goal, that's not a resolution, that's just what I'm going to do. And sometimes the best that I can probably WON'T be too great :p But it's nice to at least acknowledge that it's the best I can for today and take the weight of impossible goals off of my shoulders.

This past year sort of showed me that there needed to be a big change like that. This was the first year that I didn't do an end of the year reading recap and honestly, I'm ok with that. When I finish this post, I think I'm going to post on Stuff as Dreams and put it on hiatus officially for now so people don't wonder where the hell I've gone to. It won't be a permanent goodbye from there. I like to leave the possibility open of going back there. But for now, the commitment that I feel when I'm blogging there is just overwhelming. I need a more private place that feels more like a journal than a book blog and this has become that. Though this will also be a place to talk about books too I'm sure, though probably much differently than I talked about them on Stuff as Dreams. I DO think I still want to keep track of what I read though, so maybe I'll start a new page for that here.

My holidays were really nice and just exactly what I needed them to be this year :) The only shitty part was a migraine that started on Christmas Eve and didn't let up for 4 days :/ I haven't had a migraine like that in years. I had to get my neurologist to call in a steroid pack to finally break it up. We did Christmas eve at my dad's house like we always do and it was nice to have tradition during this time of what's been chaos! Everyone had a really good time I think and it was really nice to have the time together. With everyone getting older now and with my dad's cancer, it's more and more rare that all of us are in the same room together, so that night was extra special.

Christmas morning was spent with tradition too with me and my sister sleeping at my mom's house and opening gifts first thing in the morning!! The only difference was my sister's boyfriend was with us too which was nice. I've really come to appreciate family even more this year. Tradition especially has meant the world to me when everything else has been so full of change and so unknown. If you haven't figured it out already, I do NOT do well with change and I don't like to have things left unknown. There's this part of my brain that wants to know everything about anything that's going on and I hate uncertainty. With my dad's cancer, I've learned more medically than I have in my entire education leading up to me working in intake at a hospital. It's probably NOT the healthiest coping mechanism, but, it at least leaves me prepared and educated. So spending the holidays without any surprises and falling into the comfort of family was so wonderful.

New years eve, I spent most of the afternoon and night with my mom and then went by my dad's to ring in the new year with him at midnight. It was a rough night with him honestly. He had a bad night. More mentally than anything...I think the coming year makes him nervous, but we had a really good talk that night and I think he took what he needed from it and things seem to be better for him since. He found out two days before that his tumor had grown. It has only grown 7mm, but the fact that it grew at all is discouraging. So treatment is about to get stepped up even more with radiation 5 days a week getting added to his chemo. He's going to have a lot of fighting to do :/ It will be an interesting year!

I'm going to try to lay out my plans for reading for the month this year at the beginning of the month! Not so much as a goal, but just as sort of a present to myself. It's almost like I get to go pick a few treats off of the shelves and lay them out for the month. Of course I can switch them out if I want to, but it gives me something to look forward to :) So that's what I did today....I picked out a few books for the month of January, a nice mix of fiction and nonfiction, adult fiction, YA, poetry, essays, things I've been wanting to read for a while and things I've just discovered :)

I'll leave you with this beautiful poem that I discovered last night that Adrienne Rich opens her collection, The Dream of a Common Language with...it's called "Power". And it's exactly what I needed to read right now.

Money Can Buy A Little Bit Of Happiness!

One of the things that I've worked really hard on this year is saving money and paying off debt. Well, I should say, not spending money as frivolously and paying off debt. And I'm proud of myself for how well I've done!! I've made HUGE changes in the amount of random stuff I buy and I don't buy books anymore unless they're books that I'm really excited about and know that I plan on reading. In fact, what I've been doing is preordering books that I'm excited about and mostly limiting myself to just those books. I've been doing the same with music. Which is a lot harder because I'm a music addict just as much so as with books. Only I'm always looking for new music. So that can get to be quite expensive. I used to buy every album that I thought I would enjoy on vinyl. But this year, I've seriously cut back on that and I've only been buying albums by bands that I truly love on vinyl...things that I "need" to have in my collection. Less is more is sort of the theme of the year when it comes to "stuff".

If you were to look at my mailbox today, you'd think I was a total failure at this money saving and paying off debt thing :p I swear today was the best day I can think of in any recent time when it came to book releases!! 5 books that I had preordered all arrived today and they're some of my most anticipated books of the year. One of my most anticipated albums of the year arrived too along with awesome bonus swag. AND to top it off, I got a really awesome card in the mail too :) All of this couldn't have come at a better time :) So I thought I'd share and talk about all of these goodies. First up, BOOKS! Remember when I used to talk about those?

How often do that many awesome books come out all in one day??? So excited about all of these! My readathon pile is suddenly becoming a little bit clearer ;)

• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Illustrated Edition) by J.K. Rowling - I knew this book was going to be gorgeous, but I had no idea it would be this beautiful! They put so much love into the creation of this book. I've been wanting to reread this series for ages. Harry Potter will forever be one of my favorite series and I have such wonderful memories associated with each one of these books. I'm really hoping that they plan on releasing all of the books in this format. It would be fantastic to experience them all like this! It's going to be nice to revisit this and all the memories that I'm sure will come along with it :)
• The Nest by Kenneth Oppel, Illustrated by Jon Klassen - I completely forgot that I had preordered this book and didn't even remember what it was about :p I still don't remember why exactly I preordered it or where I heard about it? But just looking at the book itself, I can instantly see that it's something that I'll fall in love with. Aesthetically, it's gorgeous and haunting looking and it's described as "a haunting, gothic tale for fans of Coraline." SOLD!
• Ghostly: A Collection of Ghost Stories collected and introduced by Audrey Niffenegger - The reason why I bought this is evident in the title :p It's a collection of ghost stories that's been curated by Audrey Niffenegger. This has the potential to be one of my favorite short story collections ever! In addition to that, she's illustrated each story herself and it includes a brand new story by her, Neil Gaiman and Kelly Link among others. Yes please!
• M Train by Patti Smith - I love Patti Smith's writing so much. In a way, her writing has always reminded me a bit of Francesca Lia Block. And she's just a really awesome person. This book is sort of a road map of her life told through her visits to various cafes around the world. Sounds like a cozy and intimate book that might be a perfect readathon read :)
• The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness - NEW PATRICK NESS!!!!! I've been waiting for this book for so long!!!! It took everything I had to be patient and not pay more money than I had to to get this book when it was released a month ago overseas. But I knew my reading has been nonexistent lately and that it was a smart idea just to wait, so the day has finally arrived and it's in my hands now :) If I haven't gobbled it up by then, this will be in my readathon pile as well!

This has been such a great year for music too! Frankly, I'm shocked that I've been as restrained as I have been when it comes to buying music on vinyl. But I've been disciplined :) There are a few bands though that I'll make exceptions for and one of them is Chvrches. I've been waiting for their sophomore album since the day they released their debut :p The second I heard Chvrches for the first time a couple of years ago, it was instant love. It's so rare that a band maintains that same caliber with a second album, but they've done it with this one, Every Open Eye. They offered this really great package too at a really great price! So now I have the new album on white vinyl WITH a really cool t-shirt AND a postcard signed by all three members of the band :D Now I just need them to come down here on their tour. 

And finally I got my card of the month from Holstee. I love those guys so much. I get a new letterpress card every month from them and each month it's centered around a theme. This month's theme was particularly poignant. It's vulnerability. They also included this little sticker with the card this month that I love so so much!!! Now I just need to get my writing mojo back and start sending out some of these cards. Included with your card each month, they send you a little description on why they chose that theme and a brief meditation on it....I really loved this month's...here's what they had to say:

Yep....pretty perfect for right now. So, thank ye gods for a wonderful mail day when it was much needed :) I'm good for awhile now! Now I'm off to go enjoy some of these goodies.

Life in Bullet Points

• COLD FRONT!!!!!!! Right now it is 68 degrees with 65% humidity :D And tomorrow the high is 82!! With the lows in the low 50s with sunny skies, breezy and low humidity! AND it's the first Saints game of the season that isn't preseason. FALL YOU GUYS!!!!! Can you tell I get a little bit giddy when I get the first taste of fall? It's amazing what a little bit of relief from the heat can do for me...that's all I ask...for it not to feel like the devil's asshole all of the time. I was slammed at work today and I kept a smile on my face all day, partly because of the weather. The best part of it all? The 10 day forecast currently doesn't have ANY 90 degree temps anywhere in site. Which gives me hope that the worst of it is officially over! Made it through another summer :p 
• Megan sent me this picture today and I laughed my ass off. I also wish that I could be that skinny again :p Ah, the goth days, how I miss thee. Yes, that's a fishnet shirt with a black velour shirt over it and yes I have eyeliner on.
  
• I discovered this live version of Joanna Newsom performing Peach, Plum, Pear from 2006 this week and I've probably watched/listened to it 20 times. It's one of the best live performances I think I've ever seen! I swear I love her so much. That harp solo at the end is just so amazing and so beautiful. And to think that I once said that I couldn't stand her :/ I cannot WAIT for her new album in October!! And I'm so hoping that she comes back here again...seeing her during her last tour was one of the best shows I've ever been to. So jealous of Ana who's getting to see her during the first leg of the tour :p 
• Dad's biopsy is Tuesday. So many mixed up emotions with that. Part of me is so anxious for it to be over with and wishes that it would've been done a month ago and I hate that treatment has been put off this long and that we still don't know what we're dealing with. The other part of me is terrified of what they will find and what the result will be and the reality that I'll have to face once the biopsy is done. I just have to not get ahead of myself right now.
 
• Oddly enough, I find myself somewhat enjoying work lately....a statement I NEVER thought I would hear come out of my mouth. At least not while I'm at my current place of work. Nothing has changed there except for me. And I feel like I could write a book, really, on what has changed. The essential change that it boils down to though is that I've allowed myself to connect again with the patients I work with and I've made an effort to disconnect with the drama of the workplace. Or maybe it's that I stopped making the effort to connect with the drama. I don't know which it is really. Since my dad's diagnosis I've had a realization that life is too short to focus on bullshit. I think the medication change that my psychiatrist did has helped a lot too. But it's been nice to find passion in my work again. I don't want to pretend that I don't have my frustrating times still. And I still want to get out of there and eventually get to just private practice...that's my true passion. But at least things have been more tolerable. 
• Having said that, I need to get back to doing more things for myself. I was thinking about that last night. I rarely get to read anymore. I don't do simple, little things like play games on my iPhone that I used to enjoy. I haven't gotten to garden much recently. I haven't been walking in a long time. I haven't taken a good, long, hot bath with a book in over a month. I haven't had a massage in a long time. I could go on. Lately, I work, I come home, and I lay on my sofa and catch up on my DVR. Which is fine...I enjoy all of the shows I've been watching. But I miss all of those other things. TV is not a life. I need to get back to life again.
• I have been listening to an audiobook that I'm SO in love with! The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat by Oliver Sacks. I wanted to finally read something of his when I heard he passed away, which was so sad :( I had read a few of his essays over the years, but I still haven't read any of his books despite owning most of them. He's one of those authors that I just knew I'd love even though I'd never read him, so I've collected most of his books :p Sure enough, I'm loving this book. I've always been fascinated by the brain. My favorite classes in college were my neuropsych classes. One of my best friends at work is a doctor who is a psychiatrist who specializes in neuropsychiatry. I LOVE hearing her talk about some of her patients and the way the brain works. Anyway, this book has been truly fascinating so far and I can't wait to keep reading more of his work.
• Time to make a to do list for the week and hope I'm more successful than I was this week!

Jumping Back Into The Waters

Today is the start of a new month and it marks the end of the toughest months of the year for me. I HATE July and August. With a passion. Seriously. They literally just drain the life out of me every year. The reason being, the heat is just so unbearable and so stifling in New Orleans. We stay between 90-100 degrees throughout the months of July and August but the heat index and humidity makes it feel in excess of 110 and it's just exhausting. It feels like you can drink the air on some days. I have a hard time understanding people who love the summer and the heat. I'll take the cold any day over the heat! This year was just especially bad. It hasn't been a good year to begin with. I could write for days on why and in time I'm sure I'll get it all down here, but suffice it to say, I really would've liked to just fast forward through these last two months.

BUT, a cool front came through last week reminding me that there's an end to this relentless heat and that Fall is right around the corner! And with that cool front came back my desire to blog again finally. Or at least to get back to writing. So that's what I'm doing. And I'm going to use this blog for now to do that for a number of reasons. First, let me say that this is not a private blog...it's set up as a blog that anyone can view and I don't mind anyone reading or commenting on what I post here! So if you've found your way here or if you've visited here before, hello :) At the same time, there's a reason I'm writing on this blog. I'm not ready to go back to Stuff as Dreams are Made on. I don't know how many times in the last year I've gone back to that blog and said "I'll be around more often now!" With that ending up obviously not being the case. It has to do with a number of things. There's the fact that it's an 8 year old blog, with 8 years of followers and what I see as expectations even though I know those are self imposed expectations. I feel committed to talking about books mostly on that blog, commenting, keeping up with the latest, posting regularly, not being too personal...and that's not what I need right now. When the time's right, I'll go back to it. But for now, I really need an outlet to just write. About whatever I want to. Just to get me back into writing and visiting friends blogs again. This will be a place that I can work out thoughts on what's going on in my life, vent when I need to, record life events, talk about books and food and art and whatever else is going on. But most importantly, it'll be a place for ME. Which is what I need and what I've been missing. Like I said, if anyone else wants to come along for the ride, I'd love to have you :) But warning ahead of time, I may bore you to tears with this blog :p Unlike Stuff as Dreams are Made on, I don't plan on writing for an audience with this blog.

So the impetus for really wanting to get back to blogging is my dad being diagnosed with lung cancer. I need a place to start writing about this and start getting it out and try as I may, I just suck royally at keeping a handwritten journal. I've finally accepted that after starting probably hundreds of handwritten journals over the years and never going back to them after a few pages :p He was diagnosed almost a month ago now and still hasn't had his biopsy yet :/ It was supposed to be today but he hadn't fasted from aspirin so they had to push it back to Thursday now. Part of me is glad that they finally know what is wrong with him and why he's lost so much weight recently and why his health just continues to decline and part of me, obviously, is scared shitless for him and for myself. I know it's not going to be good news when he has the biopsy. His doctor says he may have had this for up to 3 years, so it's likely to be late stage and/or to have spread. I just really really really hope that this is treatable.

It's the first time in my life that I've really seen my dad scared...it's allowed me to see him in a different light than I have before. You never ever want to see someone that you care about suffer in any way, but oddly enough, it's made me feel closer to him. I've never had the best relationship with my dad. We never had the typical father/son relationship. For the most part, he chose alcohol over his children and still does to an extent. I was never really the son he wanted...that sounds more harsh than it is....I don't at all mean to say that he didn't want me, but he got a gay son who wasn't into sports or girls and I think it showed when I was growing up that he was disappointed that I wasn't into those things. In the last year or so though, we've gotten a bit closer. I've never come out to my dad, but I think he has an idea that I'm gay, and in his own way, he's shown that he's ok with that. We've talked a lot more recently. He's come to me as a more vulnerable person than he ever has and tells me when he's scared or anxious or nervous and I've been there for him late into the night to talk through some of this stuff. Roles have switched and I've become a care taker of sorts and I've really made myself just look at my dad as a person, not so much as a father...and in doing that, I don't mind him at all as a human being. He wasn't capable of being the dad that I needed growing up and honestly, my mom did the job of two parents. I'm forever grateful to her for all that she sacrificed, all of the love that she poured out to me and my sister unconditionally, and all of the joy that she has brought to our lives. I have no clue where I'd be without her. I had to acknowledge that and accept that my dad...while we don't have the best father/son relationship, he's someone that I do care about a great deal and maybe he didn't do the best that he could, but he's struggled with addiction, a disease his whole life. And that disease is killing him now in more ways than one. I don't need to lecture him anymore at this point.

Right now I'm just taking things a day at a time...it's all I can do. But I need to start doing more for myself. I didn't read a single book in the month of August. Well that's not completely true, I listened to an audiobook. But aside from that, nada. I'm going to do RIP during September and October and I'm REALLY looking forward to that!!! I really have a craving to start gardening again, though it's late in the year to do that :/ BUT I do live in southern Louisiana where we can pretty much grow stuff until late December, so all is not lost! I have my new reading room in my apartment which is a fun project to get back to designing. I got my sisters sofa and ottoman and table and lamp. I just need to decorate now! I'd like to get back to baking and cooking as I haven't taken the time to do any of that in a long time. I can't WAIT for the weather to cool down so that I can start going on walks in the woods again!!! I always feel so much better when I'm out in nature. Up until now, I haven't even thought of any of this stuff as a possibility for the most part this year :( That's just what kind of year it's been. I feel like I've mostly just been keeping my head above water. It feels really good that these things are starting to come back!!

I think I'll leave it there for now and go play with my bookshelves for a little while and pick out my RIP books :) I'm sure the pile will be enormous :p Thankfully, I'm off of work tonight so I get to relax and indulge myself! I had my botox injections today for my migraines, so I took the day off because I normally get a pretty bad headache afterwards and end up laid up on pain pills all night. No headaches yet though! Lets hope it stays that way. Ok..off to pick out books!

Rejoining Civilization....

This is likely to be long and rambly for anyone reading. This blog was originally meant to be a place to record my "million and one things" project and it will continue to be that. But I'm going to go ahead and make it more than that too. I have lots of catch up posts to write on the project itself, but I miss blogging terribly...I miss writing and talking to my friends and the other blog just isn't feeling like the place to do that right now. Maybe no one will ever read these posts and that's fine too. They're likely to bore the hell out of anyone who would read them anyway as I'm guessing these posts will be pretty self reflective.

I've always been really awful at keeping a written journal. I never could do it. I think the longest I've ever managed to actually keep one might be three weeks or so. I can't tell you how many journals and notebooks I have that are written in the first ten or so pages only to be abandoned forever after that. But I'm a writer and I always have been. I discovered blogging in 1999 and in one place or another I've been blogging ever since then and I feel so out of sorts if I'm not.

I've been wanting to write lately, but I know that Stuff as Dreams are Made on has a decent readership and I don't want to just write "woe is me, today I'm depressed, today I'm better" everyday on that blog. I think people will quickly tire of that. But the truth is, I've been depressed for awhile now and I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise to anyone. I've been reading but I just haven't had the desire to review any of the books that I've read. I've fallen so out of touch with people that I cherish and love because I can't muster up the energy to send an email or make a phone call or even comment on blogs. It all becomes overwhelming...overwhelming to the point where it's easier to just shut down. And that's what I've been doing.

I miss everyone so much though. I feel horrible that I've lost touch with everyone. I miss the old me. But I'm going to get the old me back, it'll just take time. I'm painting a much more dreary picture than things really are. I'm not rotting away, it's just a worst bout of depression than I think I've had. Depression is a funny thing. You can have the desire to change, to beat it, to overcome it but sometimes it's like there's just a giant cement barrier between what actually is and what you know should be. Here's a step though...blogging again. And it's in a place that I feel a little more comfortable to just be me. It's not a private blog. Anyone can read it, but it's not one I advertise. Eventually I'll get back to Stuff as Dreams are Made on but right now I just need to get back to writing again. So that's what I'm doing.

I also need to get some of this damn weight that I've gained off...yet another lovely side effect of depression :/ I decided to start doing something though that I often tell my clients to do. I figured I'd take my own advice. Record a list of happy things. Big or small. And since I'm no good at writing things down on paper, I'm just keeping a list on my notepad on my phone. So here are the happy things for today. Actually these started at about 1AM this morning before I went to bed last night :p

-Sitting on my patio late at night and listening to bats flying around while everything else is quiet.
-The new season of House of Cards
-Discovering Locke & Key which is SO DAMN GOOD!
-Getting my taxes done and getting a much better refund than I was expecting which will get some debt paid off!
-Stepping on the scale and LOSING a pound for a change instead of gaining a pound! The right direction!
-Getting the spare bedroom cleaned out finally.
-Blogging again
-The olympics despite my issues with the host country's politics and views. I love the spirit of the Olympians themselves. They've made me smile so much.

Today was a day that I got a LOT accomplished and it feels really good! Now I shall be lazy for the rest of the night and read some more graphic novels, watch some more olympics, and watch some more House of Cards. And I'm DETERMINED to make it a good week!!

#61 - Read 1,000 Short Stories Update

Today I started indulging in a new book I got in Penguin's new "Penguin Classic Horror" series....it's a 6 book series curated and edited by Guillermo Del Toro! I love Del Toro, so I'm all about this series! It's mostly classic horror books, but has one book that has a mix of short horror stories, edited by S.C. Joshi. They span from the very late 19th century up til today so I was really excited about this one! Today I sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful fall temperatures that we're getting here in Southern Louisiana (and yes, I'm calling mid-upper 70's fall) and read the first two stories in the collection, now bringing me up to a whole 5/1000 stories read for this goal :p

The first story was "The Adventure of the German Student" by Washington Irving. This was actually the first thing I've ever read by Irving and it was a fantastic introduction to him and fantastic opener to this collection. This is your classic ghost story and would be a wonderful story to tell around a campfire late on a halloween night :) It's the story of a student studying in Germany who's a bit fascinated by the surreal in life and fascinated by the female figure as well. But he lives a solitary existence and has no friends at all. While walking the streets of Paris one day (yes he's in Paris now), he finds a woman crumpled on the ground dressed all in black at the foot of a guillotine and can tell that she's distressed. He offers her company when he sees the sadness that she's in and these two solitary souls seemingly find solace in each other.....but as often happens in ghost stories, solace is often false...oh yes it is :p Truly enjoyed this one.

The second story in the collection was "Edward Randolph's Portrait" by Nathaniel Hawthorne and I just didn't like this story at all. Which was really disappointing because I really LIKE Hawthorne. I generally disliked most of what I was forced to read in high school and I've often thought looking back that it was BECAUSE I was forced to read something. But two of the few things that stand out from high school that I really enjoyed reading were Hawthorne's novel, The Scarlet Letter and his wonderful short story, "Young Goodman Brown." This one though...nothing for me. It's the story of a painting from the past that is covered up and lost forever that reveals itself basically but the story is so caught up in elaborate writing that I was just never engaged. It also made me think about something that I've always thought...when you're putting together a short story collection, wouldn't you want to pick nothing but WOW stories???? That's what I would do! Of course, maybe it's just that I'm dumb and don't understand some of these things and of course everyone has different tastes too..so I guess that's also why you're never going to find a universally "perfect" short story collection. Though there are definitely some that are more universally loved than others. But if I was editing a collection, I would never just settle...and say..."well we have to have a Hawthorne story and 'Young Goodman Brown' is too well known, so I guess we'll go with this one" and I feel like that's what happened. Oh well.

Next up is "Fall of the House of Usher" by Edgar Allan Poe and I've read that one quite a few times actually and I know for a fact I love that one, so looking forward to that ;)

#42 - Read All of Stephen King's Books Update

Well I read Carrie yesterday for the readathon! Really good book and quite a fast read too! I think most people know the story of Carrie, made famous by the cult horror movie based on the novel. I have to say that the movie did a really good job of sticking with the book. But there was one thing that I noticed that the movie changed and I'm not surprised by it at all...it's typical of hollywood. In the book, Carrie is described as being pimply and overweight, though not unnattractive and even striking at times. Her mother is described as being overweight in the book too and King even describes the weight as being too much for her ankles at one point. You'd never know this watching the movies...the one from the 70's or the recent release. Carrie is a stick in both movies and her mom is skinny as well. Which made me really applaud Stephen King and love him even more. He gives us a character here who's far from perfect, certainly doesn't lead an ideal live, but even though she doesn't fit the beauty "norms", he still describes Carrie as being beautiful and striking and I can't tell you how much I loved that. I wish hollywood would embrace that too. Another note, I didn't know this before doing this project, but when I went to write out King's bibliography, I learned that this is his first novel that he published, published in 1974, followed by Salem's Lot in 1975 and The Shining in 1977...Boy did HE start his career off with a bang!

#61 - Read 1,000 Short Stories Update

The second short story for this goal also came from Aimee Bender's collection, The Color Master, and the story is "Americca." It was another story that I absolutely loved, but then again, I don't think there was a story that I disliked in this collection. With this story, the whole concept of "magical realism" really clicked for me. I understand what the concept is....using fantasy elements in a seemingly real, natural environment to illustrate a point, but I don't think I ever really appreciated the style until reading Aimee Bender. She truly is a master of it. Her story "Tiger Mending" is when it first really struck me and when it did strike me, it hit me like an Amtrak train.

The thing with Aimee Bender's stories, and with magical realism in general, I'm learning, is that the "why?" doesn't matter. It doesn't matter why the weird/magical/fantastical elements happen. You don't always get the answer to that question. You just have to accept that in the world of this story, it IS happening. But it's happening to illustrate a bigger point.

In "Americca," items are showing up in the home of a family that struggles to get by. They wake up one morning and there are gourmet soups in their pantry that they would never buy for themselves. Trinkets appear on their nightstands that they would never splurge on. They end up donating the nicest thanksgiving basket to school for the homeless shelter when normally, they might be on the receiving end of one of those baskets.

But we see how this mysterious arrival of riches affects the family. We see them adjust to how life is now. At first it's disturbing that these things are showing up and then it's almost as if they expect them. When this stops happening for ahwile, the family finds themselves missing it. One of the daughters wants a hat that she sees and the mother of the family spends her hard earned money on this hat for her daughter even though the hat is too big. And the daughter cherishes the hat and wears it proudly despite the fact that it's too big. But when she gets home, the gift giving thing has seemingly come back and there's a hat that fits waiting for her. She's made fun of for wearing the hat that's too big and as predicted wears the hat that fits.

Bender paints a picture of American greed here. We don't need to know why the things are magically showing up in people's houses. What the focus is on instead is how people go from appreciating the small pleasures in life to those things suddenly not being good enough when greed becomes a factor...when we get a taste of a different side of life and I know that I've certainly been guilty of that myself.

I'm frustrated right now because I just can't quite put into words exactly what Bender did with this story, but she did it SO WELL. Highly recommended.

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The last story in Bender's book, and my third story for this goal was "The Devourings," and this story returns Bender to fairy tale retellings. This is the story of a human girl who falls in love with an ogre because she finds herself to be ugly. However, she truly does love the ogre and the ogre truly does love her. However, ogres eat humans. The ogre and his wife have children together and they are ogre children. One night a group of humans come by the house wearing crowns and the human cannot turn them away. They go to sleep in the bed with the ogre children but switch their crowns with the caps of the ogre children. The ogre father comes home drunk and smells humans and eats his own children thinking that they are the humans when he sees the crowns. This is all in the first couple of pages of the story.

After this, the human wife leaves the ogre and sets off on her own journey to spend time alone. She finds her heart returning to her husband and her husband finds his thoughts returning to her. There's also a cake that replinishes itself and a blanket that hides the wife and the ogre eats the woman's uncle and I have to say, I don't completely understand this story, but I still loved it. That's what Bender does. For me, it was a good old fashioned fairy tale on the limits of the heart and the nature of things and things being what they are. And maybe that's exactly what this story is about. Ogres eat humans...humans feel loss when they lose loved ones....magical cakes will always replinish themselves.....life goes on.

Would I recommend this collection to everyone I know? Absolutely!!!! Will everyone love it? Hmmm....Put it this way...Tiger Mending is one of my favorite stories  I've ever read and many people who have read that story say "what the FUCK?" What kind of ending is that???? If you read this book, remind yourself that these stories are not about getting answers to the fantastical elements. They're not even about the fantastical elements. The fantastical elements are there as a catalyst to tell a bigger story. And that makes all the difference I think.

#80 Collect All of the Penguin Imprints Update

So I actually had this series finished before I started this project, but since I only had one other imprint completed before, I figured I'd go ahead and post a picture so I have pictures of them all! This is Penguin's Manga Biographies and from what I gather there are no more that they plan to publish, though that's a shame because they're really cool! I've actually only read one, the Gandhi biograhy, but it was fantastic!! This is such a great way to teach history and if I were ever a teacher I'd use these as teaching tools in a heartbeat!!! I can't wait to read Che Guevara and the Dalai Lama's biographies as well! As always with Penguin, the covers are really fantastic too!

#80 Collect All Of The Penguin Imprints Update

The only imprint I had all of prior to this update was the Penguin Manga Biographies line. They only did three of those sadly, but I do have them all! Today, I got the sixth book in the Penguin Civics Classics line which completes that line so I now have two imprints completed! As with all of the Penguin imprints I'm in LOVE with their covers!!! I'm actually really looking forward to reading these too which is funny because I HATED civics and history in high school. I'm especially looking forward to reading the Supreme Court Decisions book.

#61 Read 1,000 Short Stories Update

#1 "A State of Variance" by Aimee Bender, read on 9/18/13. I SO wish I would've started this project when I started the collection that this story is from, The Color Master. I love Aimee Bender so much. Seriously, after reading The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake and this, my second collection of her short stories, I'm totally in love with her.

This story is about a mother and her son, both born with features that are perfectly symmetrical. Sounds like it may be quite boring right? Well it's not :p Bender shows with this story what value we place on appearance. There has been lots of research showing that people distrust people with symmetrical features. I've actually read some of it during my studies getting my degrees. Basically, the more perfect a person looks, the less likely they are to be trusted. Even though the mother and son may not be perfect looking beauty wise in this story, their features are perfectly symmetrical and therefore they live lives that are solitary...people are afraid to get too close to them.

When the son in the story tries to injure himself or have someone else injure him, even his injuries heal symmetrically. It's not until he can "trick" this trait of his that he can find true love finally. As is always the case with Bender, there's an aspect of magical realism to the story as well and it was just beautiful!!

I only have two stories left in this collection and I don't want it to end :(