Thank Goodness For Sundays

I love Sundays. Which is funny because as a child, Sundays were days that I absolutely dreaded and I didn't think that would ever change. Sunday represented being forced to go to church which I always hated so much. To make matters worse, I was forced to be an altar boy as a child AND join choir. If that wasn't bad enough, the nun who was in charge of choir decided she really liked my voice and would make me sing solos. I've always been an extremely introverted person, so this was not a good thing. I did love that Irish nun though...Sister Ann. I'll never forget her and still think about her from time to time. I was sad when her convent reassigned her back to Ireland. She wrote to me from time to time but we lost touch in high school. In addition to church on Sundays, there was also the reminder that the next day was school. It wasn't even so much that I disliked school itself, but I was bullied a lot in elementary school for my weight and the fact that I was a "fag" even though I was nowhere near ready to come out. I was in denial myself those days.

I've often said that if I ever went back to school to get a PhD, I think I'd do my dissertation on sexuality in childhood. It's a touchy subject, but something that I think needs to be addressed more. I think things are much much better now than they were when I was a child, but there's still a great deal of work that needs to be done. I wonder what it would be like to be born now into a world where gay marriage is legal. That's pretty awesome. And it's amazing when we look at how far things have come from 34 years ago when I was brought into the world.

The bullying that happened to me when I was a kid definitely changed me as a person and that's why I'd like to do research on that. When I look at home videos of myself as a child, it's obvious that I'm gay. I don't mean to stereotype here, but it's obvious. I had limp wrist syndrome :p I walked with my hips moving from side to side, my voice had more of a lisp to it. Things that are unrecognizable to me now. I consciously changed those things and worked on them for years until they were gone because of the bullying. I changed the essence of who I was as a person because of the cruelty that others put on me. I often wonder what life would be like if I wasn't bullied. Would I be more extroverted? Would I not have such horrible social anxiety? Would I not be so conscious about my weight or the way I look? Would I have come out sooner and therefore been happier sooner? Would I find it easier to date? The answer to all of those questions is surely "yes". I hope so badly that the somewhat normalization of the lgbt experience in today's society leads to kids these days knowing that they're ok as they are and that they don't need to lose themselves at such a young age.

Wow...I did NOT plan on this post being about all that :p My original point is that Sundays are now my favorite day of that week :p It's the one day where I have no obligations for the most part aside from doing whatever *I* want to do. And it's the start of my weekend. So today has been a good day. Yesterday was awful. I didn't wake up until an hour before work and barely made it to work on time, so most of what I had planned to do yesterday went out the window. I did pay a few bills though, I worked, and I talked to Austin who said he couldn't come down to help move furniture out of my dad's house, so that left today free for me to get stuff done! I called CVS to see what meds they had for me to pick up and I told them they can keep one of them. I HATE my insurance company. My doctor had prescribed me a different triptan for my migraines called Treximet. If you have migraines, triptans are pretty much the only medication that will get rid of them. I take Maxalt most of the time and since a generic has come out, it only costs me $5 now for 9 pills. But I've been on it so long that it's becoming less and less effective. So she wanted to give me a second one. The Treximet would've cost me $119 for NINE PILLS!! Screw that. I know the medication is expensive, but seriously?

I did finally get a hair cut today and let me tell you I feel like a new person!!! I HATE when my hair gets to a certain point. It drives me nuts. I found a place here on the north shore called Sports Clips and it will definitely be my go to place for now on for hair cuts! They specialize in men's haircuts and the stylists stay up to date on the "latest cuts" for men. Their big thing is that they have tvs you can watch with sports games on while you're getting your hair cut. She did a great job and since it was my first time there, she gave me a free shampoo and shoulder massage which was awesome. They sit you in a massage chair while they're washing your hair and wrap your face in a hot towel and then use this massager to massage your back, neck and shoulders. Highly recommended!

Then I came home and got laundry done which was so badly needed. I had no clean towels and two loads of clothes that needed to be done. AND I finally changed my sheets too. It feels so good to go to bed in freshly washed sheets :) I didn't get to clean the patio today like I wanted to because it's rained all day :/ BUT I do love the rain, so I think I'll spend the rest of the afternoon reading and listening to the thunder after I do a bit of blog reading :) Oh, also I found this Indian scarf/cloth/I'm not really sure what? that I got from I don't know where? and decided to use it as a table cloth for my table that I got from my sister and finally put out my placemats too! It's so nice to finally have a dining room table after being in my apartment for 3 years :p

Finally, I got to work on my reading room some more!!! It's still a work in progress, but I'm happy with how it's coming along and it's very cozy :) Here are some pics! This is what you see when you first walk in:

I have this really awesome book of James Jean prints called Kindling that I've been using to decorate that's an AMAZING deal. He's one of my favorite artists and if you're a fan of art, this is a must have book at an incredible price. It's a collection of 12 removable prints that are nice quality and nice size for about $20. Here's a closer look at the prints above the sofa:

On side of the sofa are the "floating bookshelves" currently holding a few RIP reads with one of my favorite prints, the Holstee Manifesto, above it:

Here's a close up of the Holstee print...I love everything that they do too. Here's a link to their website, but be forewarned, you may want everything they have :p

And finally, here's what it looks like across from the sofa...this area is a work in progress. There's a lot of crap over there still. This room was pretty much a storage room before it became the reading room, so I need to work on cleaning this up some more. The goal is for that wall to eventually be a full gallery wall:

Right now it's just two James Jean prints, a Neil Gaiman print illustrated by David Mack, and a collage that Megan did for me probably 10 years ago that I really love! Here's close ups of the art work so far:

And that's my Sunday in a nutshell so far! It's nice to be able to cross some stuff off of the list. Wish I could've crossed more off the list but oh well...it is what it is. Here's hoping for a good week with nothing but great news :)

Jumping Back Into The Waters

Today is the start of a new month and it marks the end of the toughest months of the year for me. I HATE July and August. With a passion. Seriously. They literally just drain the life out of me every year. The reason being, the heat is just so unbearable and so stifling in New Orleans. We stay between 90-100 degrees throughout the months of July and August but the heat index and humidity makes it feel in excess of 110 and it's just exhausting. It feels like you can drink the air on some days. I have a hard time understanding people who love the summer and the heat. I'll take the cold any day over the heat! This year was just especially bad. It hasn't been a good year to begin with. I could write for days on why and in time I'm sure I'll get it all down here, but suffice it to say, I really would've liked to just fast forward through these last two months.

BUT, a cool front came through last week reminding me that there's an end to this relentless heat and that Fall is right around the corner! And with that cool front came back my desire to blog again finally. Or at least to get back to writing. So that's what I'm doing. And I'm going to use this blog for now to do that for a number of reasons. First, let me say that this is not a private blog...it's set up as a blog that anyone can view and I don't mind anyone reading or commenting on what I post here! So if you've found your way here or if you've visited here before, hello :) At the same time, there's a reason I'm writing on this blog. I'm not ready to go back to Stuff as Dreams are Made on. I don't know how many times in the last year I've gone back to that blog and said "I'll be around more often now!" With that ending up obviously not being the case. It has to do with a number of things. There's the fact that it's an 8 year old blog, with 8 years of followers and what I see as expectations even though I know those are self imposed expectations. I feel committed to talking about books mostly on that blog, commenting, keeping up with the latest, posting regularly, not being too personal...and that's not what I need right now. When the time's right, I'll go back to it. But for now, I really need an outlet to just write. About whatever I want to. Just to get me back into writing and visiting friends blogs again. This will be a place that I can work out thoughts on what's going on in my life, vent when I need to, record life events, talk about books and food and art and whatever else is going on. But most importantly, it'll be a place for ME. Which is what I need and what I've been missing. Like I said, if anyone else wants to come along for the ride, I'd love to have you :) But warning ahead of time, I may bore you to tears with this blog :p Unlike Stuff as Dreams are Made on, I don't plan on writing for an audience with this blog.

So the impetus for really wanting to get back to blogging is my dad being diagnosed with lung cancer. I need a place to start writing about this and start getting it out and try as I may, I just suck royally at keeping a handwritten journal. I've finally accepted that after starting probably hundreds of handwritten journals over the years and never going back to them after a few pages :p He was diagnosed almost a month ago now and still hasn't had his biopsy yet :/ It was supposed to be today but he hadn't fasted from aspirin so they had to push it back to Thursday now. Part of me is glad that they finally know what is wrong with him and why he's lost so much weight recently and why his health just continues to decline and part of me, obviously, is scared shitless for him and for myself. I know it's not going to be good news when he has the biopsy. His doctor says he may have had this for up to 3 years, so it's likely to be late stage and/or to have spread. I just really really really hope that this is treatable.

It's the first time in my life that I've really seen my dad scared...it's allowed me to see him in a different light than I have before. You never ever want to see someone that you care about suffer in any way, but oddly enough, it's made me feel closer to him. I've never had the best relationship with my dad. We never had the typical father/son relationship. For the most part, he chose alcohol over his children and still does to an extent. I was never really the son he wanted...that sounds more harsh than it is....I don't at all mean to say that he didn't want me, but he got a gay son who wasn't into sports or girls and I think it showed when I was growing up that he was disappointed that I wasn't into those things. In the last year or so though, we've gotten a bit closer. I've never come out to my dad, but I think he has an idea that I'm gay, and in his own way, he's shown that he's ok with that. We've talked a lot more recently. He's come to me as a more vulnerable person than he ever has and tells me when he's scared or anxious or nervous and I've been there for him late into the night to talk through some of this stuff. Roles have switched and I've become a care taker of sorts and I've really made myself just look at my dad as a person, not so much as a father...and in doing that, I don't mind him at all as a human being. He wasn't capable of being the dad that I needed growing up and honestly, my mom did the job of two parents. I'm forever grateful to her for all that she sacrificed, all of the love that she poured out to me and my sister unconditionally, and all of the joy that she has brought to our lives. I have no clue where I'd be without her. I had to acknowledge that and accept that my dad...while we don't have the best father/son relationship, he's someone that I do care about a great deal and maybe he didn't do the best that he could, but he's struggled with addiction, a disease his whole life. And that disease is killing him now in more ways than one. I don't need to lecture him anymore at this point.

Right now I'm just taking things a day at a time...it's all I can do. But I need to start doing more for myself. I didn't read a single book in the month of August. Well that's not completely true, I listened to an audiobook. But aside from that, nada. I'm going to do RIP during September and October and I'm REALLY looking forward to that!!! I really have a craving to start gardening again, though it's late in the year to do that :/ BUT I do live in southern Louisiana where we can pretty much grow stuff until late December, so all is not lost! I have my new reading room in my apartment which is a fun project to get back to designing. I got my sisters sofa and ottoman and table and lamp. I just need to decorate now! I'd like to get back to baking and cooking as I haven't taken the time to do any of that in a long time. I can't WAIT for the weather to cool down so that I can start going on walks in the woods again!!! I always feel so much better when I'm out in nature. Up until now, I haven't even thought of any of this stuff as a possibility for the most part this year :( That's just what kind of year it's been. I feel like I've mostly just been keeping my head above water. It feels really good that these things are starting to come back!!

I think I'll leave it there for now and go play with my bookshelves for a little while and pick out my RIP books :) I'm sure the pile will be enormous :p Thankfully, I'm off of work tonight so I get to relax and indulge myself! I had my botox injections today for my migraines, so I took the day off because I normally get a pretty bad headache afterwards and end up laid up on pain pills all night. No headaches yet though! Lets hope it stays that way. Ok..off to pick out books!